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Healthy Shame, Unhealthy Shame,
and No Shame 04/19/2023 |
Shame is a complicated topic. But NO SHAME is not complicated. It is very dangerous and the ground of sociopathic behavior, the opposite of “honor” and “integrity” and
displaying what is good about ourselves. |
Men often have real shame issues. My book on the recovery of the sacred masculine has many references to shame because aggression and shame seem to be the
biggest problems with men today. Shame can be defined as not | |
feeling that one belongs. And when
that feeling goes deep enough, violence is often the result. Therefore our debates on gun violence today tap into the issue of shame (and aggression) in men. As do our debates about politicians and supreme court judges who have no shame
(and this includes the chief of the Supreme Court who has done nothing to a judge who clearly has no shame). I am old enough to remember the Army-McCarthy hearings of 1954 and was deeply impacted by them at the age of
thirteen. Being from Wisconsin, where McCarthy was our senator, I would run home from school during the lunch hour to watch the hearings on our new black and white television set. |
| The high point of that drama was the moment when Boston lawyer Mr. Walsh said to Mr. McCarthy, “Sir, at long last, have you no decency?” That famous line has gone down in history. |
Decency is one of the opposites of shame. Today, we have the right and responsibility to ask of Clarence Thomas and of John Roberts and of a recent shameless president and the minions who support
him, “At long last, Sirs, have you no decency, no shame?” Of course we should ask it of ourselves too in the mirror. This is what it means to examine one’s conscience. We are all capable of ignoring the shame of our
actions or non-actions. People with no shame at all are called sociopaths. |
Being human includes acknowledging shame. The Adam and Eve story teaches us that. If you are not capable of shame, you are no longer human. You can come back however—provided you admit your participation in actions that are wrong. When we can admit we are capable of | Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, explains the difference between healthy shame and toxic shame. The Change Triangle |
making mistakes, sometimes grievous ones, that is when redemption can
happen. There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame. We will consider that in upcoming meditations. To be continued. | |
See Matthew Fox, The Hidden Spirituality of Men: Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine, pp. 51-57; 285-294. Banner Image: “Shame.” Photo by Akshar Dave on Unsplash |
Queries for Contemplation
Do you agree that to be
without shame is to be less than human? And that there are ways to be redeemed from that sad state?
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The Hidden Spirituality of Men: Ten Metaphors to Awaken the
Sacred Masculine To awaken what Fox calls “the sacred masculine,” he unearths ten metaphors, or archetypes, ranging from the Green Man, an ancient pagan symbol of our fundamental relationship with nature, to the Spiritual
Warrior….These timeless archetypes can inspire men to pursue their higher calling to connect to their deepest selves and to reinvent the world. “Every man on this planet should read this book — not to mention every woman who wants to understand the struggles, often unconscious, that shape the men they know.” — Rabbi Michael Lerner, author of The
Left Hand of God | |
See Matthew Fox's full calendar
HERE |
Join Matthew Fox as he discusses “Creativity – Where the Divine and the Human Meet” in an Our Lady of the Prairie Retreat. Thursday, April 20, 4:00-6:00 pm PT. Register HERE. Join Matthew Fox and Charles Burack in an online conversation on “The Essential Writings On Creation Spirituality” hosted by The Aquarian Minyan. Thursday, April
27, 6:00 pm PT. Register HERE. Join Matthew Fox as he discusses “The Physics of Angels – Exploring the Realm Where Science and Spirit Meet” in an Our Lady of the Prairie Retreat. Thursday, May 18, 4:00-6:00 pm PT. Register HERE.
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Creation Spirituality Conversations |
Karen Tate interviews Matthew on his latest book Matthew Fox: Essential Writings on Creation Spirituality to discuss religious vs. spiritual, the nature of evil and angels, compassion vs pity, and wisdom vs knowledge. On Voices of the Sacred Feminine with Karen Tate. Listen HERE. | |
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